Some weeks end up being nothing like what you expected them to be or what they were "supposed" to be, and life plays tricks. This is one of those weeks, with news all the way around that was unsettling, and events that either did or did not take place as planned. Jimmy's total left knee replacement surgery scheduled for last Monday was one of those things that didn't take place. Due to unforeseen circumstances, his surgery was postponed (again), but the surgeon is hoping to get him fixed up in the next week or two.
Rather than sit around and stew about things over which we have no control, I thought I'd offer up some of the best "groaners" I've seen. My sister sent me these puns a while back. Hope you enjoy them! Life is short; enjoy today!
The fattest
knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired
his size from too much pi.
I thought I
saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan Island,
but it
turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was
only a whiskey-maker,
but he
loved her still.
A rubber
band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class
because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter
how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave
birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for
littering.
A grenade
thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.
Two
silkworms had a race. They ended up in a
tie.
A hole has
been found in a nudist-camp wall.
The police
are looking into it.
Time flies
like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.
Atheism is
a non-prophet organization.
Two hats
were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat
said to the other,
“You stay
here, I’ll go on ahead.”
I wondered
why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit
me.
A sign on
the lawn at a drug rehab center read:
“Keep off
the grass.”
The midget
fortune teller who escaped from prison
was a small
medium at large.
A backward
poet writes inverse.
The soldier
who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
In a
democracy, it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism,
it’s your count that votes.
When
cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you
jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
A vulture
carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane.
The
stewardess looks at him and says,
“I’m sorry,
only one carrion per passenger.”
Two fish
swim into a concrete wall.
One turns
to the other and says, “Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly,
it sank ... proving once again you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
Did you
hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His
goal?
Transcend dental medication.
Two
hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve
lost my electron.”
The other
says, “Are you sure?”
The first
replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
Then there was
the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the
puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
