A pun-filled life is better than .... May 6th
Some weeks end up being nothing like what you expected them to be or what they were "supposed" to be, and life plays tricks. This is one of those weeks, with news all the way around that was unsettling, and events that either did or did not take place as planned. Jimmy's total left knee replacement surgery scheduled for last Monday was one of those things that didn't take place. Due to unforeseen circumstances, his surgery was postponed (again), but the surgeon is hoping to get him fixed up in the next week or two.
Rather than sit around and stew about things over which we have no control, I thought I'd offer up some of the best "groaners" I've seen. My sister sent me these puns a while back. Hope you enjoy them! Life is short; enjoy today!
The fattest knight at the Round Table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan Island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
She was only a whiskey-maker,
but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in a nudist-camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other,
“You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.”
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center read:
“Keep off the grass.”
The midget fortune teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
A backward poet writes inverse.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane.
The stewardess looks at him and says,
“I’m sorry, only one carrion per passenger.”
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank ... proving once again you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? His goal?
Transcend dental medication.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
Then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.